The acceptance of lonelitude.

November 5, 2016 § Leave a comment

A trip made with my best friend into the misty midnight heart of — Town and our very minds themselves.

nos corps frétillent de toutes les couleurs et voilà que j’écris des banalitées hippies
pourquoi c’est aussi sombre?
oh… putain-
les vagues frétillantes de couleurs et de langues

linguistic journeys through body and mind

on self-doubt-
Finally in the shower it is all there
Likelihood and passion
Usefulness in useless matter
I found some deeper meaning until I came to
And found my hair too wet not knowing what to do

I think I thought that I’d realised then
I was resisting more and more each day than men

Resisting some goal, some ultimate wish
But it seems too stupid to even think.

 

I keep interrupting myself. But what sickens me is the incessant littering of my ramblings with the word I. I me mine, I me mine, I me mine. It’s a game, it’s a game, and I’m losing.

temporariness-
The bright light of dawn pierces through uncomfortably grimy windows thick with decades of gathering dust and filth from the crude, unappealing High Street of –– Town itself. How to appease its wrath? The room is so vast and unwelcoming. Somehow making my room “like home” feels unnatural, like allowing myself to settle in to a situation I’m not at all comfortable in. Temporary… for I have dragged my precious friends down with me into the temporariness of –– Town and its permanent inhabitants. She did not need to see this. She could have thrived with friends much younger and more fun than I, forging a successful stage career with passionate no-nonsense jamming every night and just all-round healthy goofing off paired with a terminal dose of hard-work and love-for-what-ya-do, each and every breathing hour of the day and night.

Not me with my sour descent into sourness and bitter exhaustion of my own resources, brimming with bile and venom.

Perhaps I should embrace that bitterness and venom, perhaps it is what gives me my essence. Ooh, I me mine, I me mine, I me mine. There I go again.
And her…-
where did her mind lead her on these paths of longitude
While mine did leaps over bounds into mountains of plenitude
Of oddly formed worlds, different edges, #no filters
Odd filters, perhaps,
might show up in some of the snaps

Where did her mind lead her
This quiet ball of curiosity
Jittering with bubbling elixirs of youth
where did her mind take her as I walked us clearly down the path mine had chosen

shut my mind the fuck up-
I who lay my heart on mine sleeve
I who canst* not shuteth the fuck up
I who must hear my every thought vocalised
I who must drive others wild
With yearning for me to just keep my mind shut.

 

*I am fully aware that “canst” is the incorrect conjugation here, and shuteth obviously too
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