An open book

September 11, 2016 § Leave a comment

Why must my fancy be so obvious?

I have no self-control. A sight that drives me out of mind is likely to be shared… among the majority of the neighboring community. I see this artful image of a man and I stumble, tremulous. I take no pride in my fancy – I have little control over it. It blossoms at the sight of ripples in water and reaches its peak at the feeling of slight sexual excitement over a visual object. So in this case, said object happens to be a Hugh Laurie lookalike. And so Hugh is overbearingly handsome and I must work at the bar and observe him as he gets deliciously drunk and…ever so possibly willing… and not express my lust? It is too much for me to take as one woman. The reluctance of others to share the burden with me is truly a difficult obstacle to overcome. On the rare occasion someone does sympathize, it is pleasurable to share my pain with them. It is Simon who cooperates and laughs gently at me. It is Jessie who reprimands me for my behavior and claims that I know not how to act around the men I fancy. Jessie, what you see of me is but the tip of the iceberg.

You may think I’m practically hopeless at getting the man I want, with my boorish methods. I once spent years visibly obsessing over a male friend, virtually laying myself at his feet every time we’d meet with the usual group. It became a running gag even though he was always “taken”… “taken”… a word I never took too seriously, if one is to look back at my lustful past. Every man belongs to himself, and women the same. And if I wish someone to belong to me for one night, this can be accomplished regardless of domestic status. Men are easy, so easy. And they’re certainly confused when a woman acts like they themselves might; too forward or lustful. Some are put off by a direct approach, and this one apparently was, until that memorable evening where we were all hanging out at my studio apartment, then they all left… and he came back up unannounced. Men. They never let an opportunity, er, slide.

Confused, yes… put off, not for long… confusion is my favorite technique, along with the usual flirtations: eyes, light touches, playful advances. I say and say it: any moderately good-looking woman who “can’t” pull a man is tragically unaware of her powers.

Keeping one is a different story… though frankly more could be said about wanting to keep one.DSC_1508.jpg


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