Post-bachelor exam angst

June 18, 2016 § Leave a comment

L’angoisse… the fear, the anguish…

A tide of worthlessness…

Waves of doom and disappointment…

Mountains of clichés in and around my thoughts. I should have put more effort in. I should not have put so much trust in one person I hardly know. I should have fixed it before the inevitable break, and I did not so much as try. I let the catastrophe roll out like a silver carpet of slippery doom. And such is my life when I try to organise things. I can’t even afford to use the phrase “try to organise things”, because I know both deep inside and right outside that I did not try, I did what was easiest at the time, as always, as usual, as ever I have done, still unchanged. And for one of the most important things I’ve done so far—funny though it may seem to someone more experienced than me. The failure consumes me and I don’t even know the result yet; I can not bear to hear the recording, for the sting of each mistake with resonate dangerously in my fragile psyche and bring me closer to certainty of utter failure. I use this blog to spill my bloodiest feelings and thoughts, for I have complained enough to friends and loved ones; they need not bear my misery any further; I must move on. But here it will stay so that many moons later I may read back and gaze wistfully on such an era of desolation in my cerebral cortex.

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