Again with the angst

April 30, 2016 § Leave a comment

Angst of creation and not being able to create. Thinking back to the days I’d obsessively write and draw in my childish little notebooks, uninhibited creation, where has it gone? Not to mention dancing!

I watch and read Bukowski
I need to write, I need to drink
I need to write anything as bad as I can
Once I get over this obstacle of mediocrity
I can get back to that old state of creativity
I used to drink, I used to have fun doing
Stuff that no one needed to see
And no one ever even cares
Not even me
And I used to dance
No fear of shame, for the shame was on them
And I used to laugh
Because I was the only one on the floor jiving
To silly rock covers
Sometimes they joined in; I was a character
Fear comes from shame and the unknown
How can I be afraid when I’ve already done it?
What stops the pen from marking paper as it used to?
Why must fear step in now, when I most need it conquered?
Dance again, Jen
And drink
You know
You can.

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