Sexy sexy sex.

September 20, 2014 § 1 Comment

If I may take a moment to observe some raunchy articles (like this one) written by women about sex that exist in the recesses of the Internet, and ask the population: is this really what goes on in women’s minds when they are confronted with a situation of extreme, guilt-free, drug-free, healthy pleasure? When they are obviously being lusted upon, for their body if nothing else, by a desired member of the desired sex?

Are we really a gender composed majoritarily of self-consciousness to the point of letting it interfere with happy sex???

I’ll have to admit. I’m a judgemental piece of work. Friends call me Judge Jenny. But reading these articles, often in list form about all the things women find gross, or wrong, or unpleasant about sex (generally with men), I cannot deny or help feeling a little burst of…bewilderment? Because this means that if guys are used to lots of women getting annoyed by a bit of pornographic fun, or recoiling from cunnilingus or morning sex (because they might smell bad, god forbid!), or not telling them up front what it is they like and then being annoyed some more, well, there’s gonna be issues between the sexes, no shocker there.

The thing these article-writers and their readers and agreers don’t seem to understand about our friends of the masculine order is that these guys just don’t really give a fuck. Except for the actual fuck. If it involves feelings, god, it’s so much better for everyone, of course! But in physical terms, an average woman will not, in any way be disgusting to a man once he has decided to sleep with her. Apologizing for a stray hair in the pubic area, or for not having showered immediately prior to contact, or for a little bit of cellulite, is bringing his attention to something he would never even have noticed.

What he does notice is a woman getting genuine pleasure from his actions, a woman who really, really enjoys sex, a woman who doesn’t give a fuck, except about the actual fuck. Now, I have not slept with all the men in the world, but I will venture to say this is the case for a majority of male partners, and I’ll go even further in saying that the one who does mind that your belly flab wiggles a bit while you’re on top of him is an absolute whitestain of a human being. So, me, I’d simply be self-conscious for having got that far with such a waster.

I’m surprised at all the girls who hate things that men do to them and don’t speak out. Be gentle, but tell the guy what he’s doing wrong. It’s such an intense experience to guide him until he gets it just right; he will love it, and you, at that moment. He shouldn’t be expecting to hit all your spots right away anyway, and if he’s butthurt with a bit of gentle direction, what is he doing having sex with anyone anyway?

Also, women don’t like dick photos? It’s an iffy one, but once I’m truly hooked on a man, I will get wet remembrances from a surprise stiffy capture. Maybe some girls haven’t found that one (or he hasn’t read this article), or probably, in this case, I’m a bit weird. Anyway, tell him! Tactful mockery and honesty go a long way with the right person! And if it’s the wrong one, well, that’s a different story altogether (and it goes both ways!).

Roughness and pain play varies from person to person. This is not something I can fairly comment on or judge: some men don’t like it either. This is something men need to learn to GODDAMN TALK ABOUT as well.

And all these comments about how women have to force their way through a blowjob. Guys tend to love licking us out and enjoying our pleasure…it’s a bit unfair on them, isn’t it? I don’t know. You like what you like, but I don’t get it.

But I can’t just be attacking my fellow women-saurs. Man-tiles are slimy creatures too, hell, even more so sometimes, who need to learn to turn a woman on until she loses all these inhibitions, in spite of herself. That is a skill many men, apparently, have yet to master, and my biggest, most obvious piece of advice would be this: communication is GOD. Bow down to it and learn it. Not only verbal cues, but picking up bodily ones as well. If you see her attention straying, go to a safer, surer method, surprise her with your lust for every bit of her being. Of course, if she complains about her cellulite a lot, she might be a tough cookie to consume…but don’t forget, everyone, every bit of the body is as desirable and beautiful as the other when full-blown sexual lust is switched on; no matter how hairy or flabby or human it is.

(And if it really is a no, then it means no. Because like all good things, there’s always a risk of it going bad. It’s up to all parties involved to deal with it as maturely as possible.)

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