September 6, 2013 § Leave a comment
From mid-July 2013. Archived openoffice documents.
M. was the name I wanted to give my strange trip to insanity. It’s so beautiful here and I don’t ever want to leave, I’m truly in a wonderland of mystery. How will I ever write like this sober I will never see. Stream of consciousness is in me. Touching myself is ecstasy. It’s like finding myself from outside of another me. I am truly a nymphomaniac. This flat is so twisted up. It’s time to move outside. I’m still in my world of weirdness but maybe time to move outside. Follow my partner’s visual cues. He is my tripping partner in this world of crazies and M. is on my mind as well and it’s beautiful. I can choose to see it as terrifying and change and
…Everything’s so strange. I’m moving around like a full idiot. I’m acting like I’m on hard drugs but I don’t even realize it. I can choose to think it’s terrifying or to think it’s mind-explosive. Expanding. It can be either one…just a traumatized body and a brain going haywire…or a mind going haywire with information it was not previously aware of beforehand…or is it imagining this…of course it is, the imagination is just as real and tangible as the reality of everything. It actually literally seems real and tangible in no frightening manner, simply as it is and truly being what it… look at me, trailing off into nonsense ranting. It is real ranting. It is as if the computer is being dragged from under me, I must stop writing, I’ll run out of inspiration, it’s draining me already to think of all this. N. is ready to go outside and I must follow him. I will be here shortly.